Won't be on on/coherent for a bit.

[devilgrrl]

My grandmother passed away this morning at 8:30. I am not handling it especially well, so I'm not sure how much I'll be on (probably a lot) or responding to people (probably very little). We're heading down to RI right now to be with family.

Comments

[devilgrrl.livejournal.com]

Thanks you so muich. *hugs back* Jane

[devilgrrl.livejournal.com]

I do to. Right now, I just can't seem to do anything. I wish I understood God's plan and why this had to happen.

[devilgrrl.livejournal.com]

Thanks. We drove safe, I petted Gramma's kitty a lot, and we did a little retail therapy. I still feel so empty though. I had to leave the house early-- I thought I was hearing her voice.

[devilgrrl.livejournal.com]

I am too. It hurts so much.

[devilgrrl.livejournal.com]

She was always my touchstone. I don't know how I'm going to live without her. I don't know who I'm going to call when I need advice anymore. She was always there for me, telling me I was fine, I wasn't a screw-up, and she'd always love me.

I don't know how I'm going to keep going, Jess. I don't know how.

[devilgrrl.livejournal.com]

I'm trying, but it's damn hard. I can't even keep food down right now. I don't know how I'm going get up tomorrow, honestly.

[devilgrrl.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much, Jessica. It really means a lot, especially the extra prayers for my grandfather. He needs them a lot.

[devilgrrl.livejournal.com]

It's so hard. She died a month to the day before their wedding anniversary. She sounded so good when I talked to her on Sunday evening. I don't know what I'm going to do.

[devilgrrl.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much. I know things are hard are with you guys too. *hugs back*

[devilgrrl.livejournal.com]

Thank you so, so much. We really need the prayers right now.

[devilgrrl.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much, Ava. It means an awful lot to me.

[devilgrrl.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I can use all the hugs I can get, anyway I can get them.

[devilgrrl.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much. I don't even know what I need right now, except for this to be a bad dream. I just can't figure out how to go on right now.

[devilgrrl.livejournal.com]

I already know how blessed I was to have her at our wedding, to have the chance to get to know her, and to have so many years with her, but I just can't fathom calling and not having her answer or see her in the living room with the cat when I come in, or any of it.

I just feel so lost right now. She and my grandfather were the only two stable points in my life.

[devilgrrl.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much.

[wildpeyote.livejournal.com]

She and your grandfather are *still* the most stable parts of your life. Everything she was to you, gave you, and the love, stability, and compassion she provided you with life exist and always exist in you as long as you live a life she would be proud of you for living.

My grandmother was like a mother to me and she was the best part of my life and the person who taught me to live with beauty, grace, and integrity. I honor her daily in the way that I journey through life.

It will be hard not seeing her or hearing her voice anymore, but every word she ever said to you is recorded somewhere in your heart and mind and you'll clearly recall those memories for the rest of your life.

Love, Halima

[nyhamsterhouse.livejournal.com]

I don't know who you will call, to be honest, or rely upon, or even think of... but it will be someone. I only know this because you are strong and so many people love you, that whether one person fills that void (not in the sense of "replacing" but rather "taking over that mantle") or whether it takes ten people to do it, you will still get advice and unconditional love from the people around you.

I know you will keep going. Look back at your journal, at your life. You are here now, amazingly. And you will continue.

[metalchick1000.livejournal.com]

it's okay to not be strong this time.

[virgoearthgirl.livejournal.com]

omgomgomg. (((((((hugs))))))))

I am sending up prayers for you. I am so so sorry.

[devilgrrl.livejournal.com]

I'm sure my mother and I will become closer now, but still... right now it's a poor substitute because all I want is her, you know? She always made me feel like I was someone special instead of a fuckup kid.

What's it Dory says in Finding Nemo? Just keep swimming. That's what I'm doing right now. It's all I can do right now.

[nyhamsterhouse.livejournal.com]

It's the same solid advice I know that you would give me in a similar situation, so... yes, keep swimming. I'm thinking of you, hon.

[devilgrrl.livejournal.com]

I know. I'm trying to let other people be strong and take care of things, but it's hard.

[devilgrrl.livejournal.com]

Sometimes it's a comfort that Mum and I both sounds exactly like her. At least I will hear her every time we talk. It's just so hard to know I can't hug her anymore, that I'll only see her in pictures again

I really appreciate your kind words, Halima. I am trying to keep them in my mind, even as lost as I feel.

[devilgrrl.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much. I need them *hugs back*

[jesheckahlynn.livejournal.com]

All I can offer is hugs so *hugs*