Doesn't make a lot of sense, does it?

Dear Internetz:

Recently, it has come to my attention that you no longer feel it necessary to remain connected at all time. Frequently and for no apparent reason, you choose to disconnect and remain that way for hours. You also seem to possess an uncanny ability to simultaneously block my wireless card from being able to pick up your stealth connection as well as block me from being able to connect to any other wireless network. Sometimes, for laughs, you like to show up when I refresh connections only to refuse to connect and then disappear. Haha, Internetz, very funny.

I would like to remind you that you are DSL. That stands for Direct Service Line, not Does Suck Lemons. Direct Service Line implies that you will be available anytime, all the time. That means if I want to read The Globe online at 10am or surf porn at 3am, you should be available. Internetz, it is not all about you. It is all about me because I pay the bill.

I understand this may not specifically be your fault. Verizon seems have an issue and perhaps your misunderstanding comes from them. I understand it's both a nature and a nuture thing; like company, like ISP. Still, it doesn't excuse your lack of recent connectivity or your rejection of my perfectly fine wireless router. I'm sorry it's not a Linksys. After the fourth one blew up, we decided to move onto a different brand. It's like when you finally stop buying hamsters and just get a cat.

So here's the long and the short of it. I expect to receive full time internet. If not, you can consider yourself terminated.

Oh, good lord..

If you have nothing better to do than read all my entries to see if there's something that you can even vaguely relate to yourself, I feel really bad for you. Seriously, it's been almost a year. Don't you idiots have better things to do with yourselves? Really.. Grow up, get on with your lives. If you're really so in love, stop adding asinine, anonymous entries to my guestbook to make yourselves feel better.

And, since I'm sure you read this, that paragraph wasn't about you, but I guess it's hard to differentiate when you're that self-centred.

For your reading pleasures:

I received this email from someone, evidently on my mailing list:

> > ----- Original Message -----

> > From: "loves kunt"

> > To: "Samantha"

> > Sent: Wednesday, June 06, 2001 7:38 AM

> > Subject: Re: Guess what?

> >

> >

> > > cool give me your pic, you know for what, if u

> > dont

> > > know send me a mail i will tell u' I like ure

> > looks

> > >

I reply with confusion. Don't I have pix on my page already?

He replies:

----- Original Message -----

From: "loves kunt"

To: "Samantha"

Sent: Friday, June 08, 2001 2:01 AM

Subject: Re: Guess what?

> hi

> baby pleasend me your pic, because i want to see your

> pic and masterbate, ant u proud of that so please, i

> am waiting for u

>

And I, offended, reply:

I should hope that English is not your native language, as that would be the only excuse for your horrendous spelling and abominable grammar.

Furthermore, I will not send you pictures of myself for you to masturbate to. It's wonderful that you wish to sexually pleasure yourself and if you need visual stimulation, there are a great deal of good, free porn sites out there. I am not, however, "proud" that you deem me sexually attractive. Are you so much of a troglodyte that you feel all women are here simply for your pleasure? That all women will feel "proud" because you have decided to want to wank off looking at their images? Beyond that, had I, even for an inkling, considered sending you my images, your approach is atrocious. You do not email someone randomly and tell them that they are acceptable and may speak with you. And by the way, scholar, you misspelled 'cunt'.

Lastly, did I mention suck my dick? Right, there it is.

---

I hate that people think a woman is going to fall all over herself for something like that. Mr. LovesKunt, how about you change your name to 14 year old who has never (and will never if you continue to behave that way) gotten any. Do you kiss your mother with that mouth, you son of a pig? Wait, I'm sorry, I've insulted pigs.. They at least have some worth, unlike you.

So yea, to sum it up, you can suck my dick.