Doesn't make a lot of sense, does it?

Power has just finally come back on.

12:14 // 15 October

(copied in from Notepad)

I hate MassElectric. Feeeeeeeerrrrrrvently. When I went to bed last night, everything was fine. When Steven woke me up this morning, the first thing out of his mouth was "I have good news and bad news." Evidently, there was an electrical fire/faulty wire/stupid person playing electrican somewhere in the complex last night which resulted in a ground fault. I guess we're kind of lucky, where we are. Our apartment straddles the line between complete power outage and normal power. Unfortunately, the lack of power has effected both our refrigerator and our stove. Nothing else in the kitchen, of course, only the important things. If I want a cup of tea, I am going to have to nuke it. Christ. So far, we've lost a gallon of milk, a full package of bacon, my pumpkin puree, and a half gallon of ice cream. I've got to get around to calling the super and asking if I can deduct the cost of things I have to replace from my rent this month. I somehow doubt it, but it's worth a try.

Of course, when I talked to the MassElectric this morning, they told me someone had to be here, just in case. I have been home, not showering in case someone was going to knock, since 7:30. I am not happy. They disappeared about an hour ago. Still no fucking electricity. Wait, looks like a couple of them are back. I just heard another tenant outside reaming one of them about how she's had to call in to work and there's been no reason for her to be here. That would be me, if I were outside. I am so not in a good mood. This week has been such complete shit.

Speaking of crappy, I have my 6 month at the end of the month. Ironically enough, I'm going to find out the status of my lungs on All Souls Day. My CT scan falls on my friend Jooly's birthday. I'm edgy about going in light of how I've felt recently. I've been insanely tired (might be from insomnia), I've been getting nosebleeds, I've found a few ugly little bruises in odd spots, and I have a couple little wounds that simply refuse to heal. I don't want to go and hear that my nodules have gotten bigger. It's been a year and a half of check ups and so far, so good. If this one goes well, only three more years.

I need a shower wicked bad. I'm guessing I could sneak in a quick one without anyone coming to the door.

Here's Laura's survey. Yay!

SECTION 1: (You)

* Your name: Samantha
* Your gender: female
* Age: 23
* Height: 5'3
* Hair color/style: strawberry blonde darkening to winter auburn, curly and longish
* Eye color: hazel
* Marital status: SO
* Your location: Weymouth
* Talents: no gag reflex, double jointed, singing
* Fears: I have a few


SECTION 2: (Have you ever...?)

* Peed your pants: I was a hideous child to potty train
* Cheated on someone?: yep
* Fallen off the bed?: yes
* Fallen for a relative?: My relatives are all too scary
* Had plastic surgery?: with these knockers, eventually. Especially if I lose weight and they stay the same size.
* Broke someone's heart?: probably
* Had your heart broken?: nope
* Had a dream come true: yep
* Done something you regret?: who hasn't?
* Cheated on a test?: no
* Been raped?: I'm going with Laura. What kind of question is that?
* Broken a body part?: yes

SECTION 3: (Whatcha doin' now?)

* Wearing: my black satin PJs and hot pink and silver knickers
* Listening to: news
* Chewing: nothing
* Feeling: pissy
* Reading: journals
* Located: my living room
* Chatting with: Laura
* Watching: TV news
* Should REALLY be: I'd be home at this time anyway.


SECTION 4: (Do you...?)

* Brush your teeth?: Yep
* Like anybody?: depends on the day
* Have any piercings?: 7
* Drive? yes
* Believe in Santa Claus?: of course, we're tight. At least, that's what I tell my stepson.
* Ever get off the computer?: yep

SECTION 5: (Friends...?)

* Who is your best?: Dawn
* Who is the loudest?: they're all kind of quiet
* Who is the shyest?: Joy
* Who is the 'hottest'?: me!
* Who is the cutest?: me, damnit!
* Who laughs the most?: not sure
* Who have you known the longest?: Dawn
* Who have you known the shortest?: most of the people I met through Steven
* Do you belong to a crew?: no
* Do you hang out with the opposite sex?: yes
* Do you consider yourself POPULAR?: hell, yea
* Do you trust your friends?: generally
* Are you a good friend?: I guess
* Can you keep a secret?: yes

SECTION 6: (The last person you...?)

* Hugged online: Steven
* IMed: Laura
* Talked to on the phone: my mom
* Yelled at: Steven
* Tripped: myself
* Turned down: no one. I'm weakwilled.

SECTION 7: (Personal)

* What do you want to be when you grow up?: I'm going to teach
* What was the worst day of your life?: birth?
* What is your most embarrassing story?: There are loads.
* What has been the best day of your life?: Let's see.. Not married, no kids... According to society, I haven't had any good days yet.
* What comes first in your life?: showering
* Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend/crush?: yes

* If you had an extra set of eyes where would you put them?: back of my head
* What do you usually think about before you go to bed?: why can't I fall asleep.


SECTION 8: (Favorite...?)

* Movie:
* Song:
* Group:
* Store:
* Relative: my grandparents
* Sport: baseball or hockey
* Vacation spot: Europe
* Ice cream flavor: peppermint stick
* Fruit: pomegranates
* Candy:
* Holiday: Halloween
* Day of the week: Friday
* Colour: violet
* Magazine: Playboy
* Name for a girl: Calico
* Name for a boy: Talisin


SECTION 9: (Do you...?)

* Like to give hugs?: no, but lots of people hug me.
* Like to walk in the rain?: if it's warm.
* Sleep with or without clothes on?: naked
* Prefer black or blue pens?: blue
* Dress up on halloween?: Yes
* Have a job?: no
* Like to travel?: yes
* Like someone?: yes
* Sleep on your side, tummy or back?: Side. I wheeze on my back.
* Think you're attractive?: I guess sometimes
* Want to marry?: in a couple years. LAURA! I'll marry you and we can both have super pretty dresses!
* Have a goldfish?: Nope. A pleco named Ugly and a fat little baby molly
* Ever have the falling dream?: yes
* Have stuffed animals?: not really
* Go on vacation?: not recently


SECTION 10: (What do you think about...?)

* Abortion: Should be up to the person having it.
* Bill Clinton: is highly amusing
* Eating disorders: meh
* Suicide: Meh
* Summer: I love summer
* Tattoos: I like them
* Piercings: "
* Make-up: is ok sparingly
* Drinking: socially
* Guys: have penisies (penii?)
* Girls: don't.


SECTION 11: (This or that?)

* Pierced nose or tongue?: nose
* Be serious or funny?: serious
* Single or taken?: taken
* Simple or complicated?: I wish things were simple.
* Law or anarchy?: law
* MTV or BET?: M2
* 7th heaven or dawson's creek?: nope
* Sugar or salt?: saaaaaaalt
* Silver or gold?: Silver
* Tongue or belly button ring?: nose
* Chocolate or flowers?: flowers
* Angels or miracles?: miracles
* Colour or black-and-white photos?: B/W
* Sunrise or sunset?: Sunset
* M&M's or Skittles?: skittles
* Rap or rock?: Rock
* Stay up late or sleep in?: both..?
* TV or radio?: depends
* Hot or cold?: comfortable
* Taller members of the opposite sex or shorter?: Taller than me
* Sun or moon?: Moon
* Diamond or ruby?: ruby
* Left or right?: either
* 10 acquaintances or one best friend?: Best Friend
* Vanilla or chocolate?: chocolate
* Kids or no kids?: kids
* Cat or dog?: Both!!
* Half-empty or half-full?: Both
* Mustard or ketchup?: Ketchup
* Newspaper or magazine?: Newspaper
* Give or receive?: give
* Rain or snow?: Rain
* Lace or satin?: satin
* A year of hot sex or a lifetime of friendship?: Friendship
* Happy or sad?: happy
* Corduroy or plaid?: Plaid!
* Wonder or amazement?: wonder
* Sneakers or sandals?: Sandals
* McDonald's or Burger King?: WENDYS
* Mexican or italian food?: mexican
* Lights on or off? on
* Duct tape or scotch tape?: Duct, always
* Candy or pop?: soda
* A house in the woods or the city?: city
* Pepsi or coke?: pepsi
* Nike or adidas?: Skechers

SECTION 12: (Other questions...)

* Do you go to church?: sometimes
* Do you like church?: eh.
* Why or why not?: it's quiet.
* What's your favorite kind of tree?: cherry
* Out of all your friends, who has the coolest house?: Sam R.

I actually have a lot to update, but I really haven't felt like it. I'm striving to keep up with this journal, however, because journaling is one of the requirements for my Writing II class. This way, I can just print things out at the end of the semester. I like writing, I just haven't found a journal I've wanted to write in, yet.

So anyhow... I'm back to being a professional student, thanks to Barnes & Noble and their minions of Satan. I'm not getting into the whole sordid account on my front page, but you can read about it ( here. )

Sunday, we went up to the North Shore Spirit vs. the New Jersey Jackals championship game, as we are friendly with one of New Jersey's pitchers. It was actually a super afternoon for a game, which they won in extra innings. We ended up talking to Jackson for a bit after the game was over and he asked if we were coming tomorrow [Monday] night to see the final game. We told him that we probably weren't because we had just gotten sacked and didn't know if we'd have the money. He immediatly offered to get tickets for us to sit in the New Jersey fan section,  as long as we could tell him how many we wanted.

Needless to say, Jackson is cool beyond words. Also tall, but that's not the point.

The game Monday night was fantastic. The New Jersey fans are amazing. I felt more like a fan of their team than I do the Rox and we've had season tickets for 2 years! Highlight of the game was their rather large (I mean tall and muscular, not fat) first baseman doing a split to get the thrid out of an inning. I wish I had my camera out.

Surfice to say, they won 4-3 in the regular 9 innings. We were pulled onto the field by the Jersey fans to celebrate.

By celebrating, I mean being hugged by most of the players who were sweaty and somewhat dirty. I was patted, hugged, and shaken hands with by many people I did not know. The only person I vaguely knew that hugged me was Jackson. "Give me some love!" How Californian of him...

That's been the highlight of the week. I should have pictures eventually.

We went down to Rhode Island to see my grandparents earlier that day. One of these days, I need to bring down the XP disk and reinstall XP on Grampa's computer. Hopefully next week-end. He gave us a nice CD played for the apartment (which needs to be cleaned). It's a 5 disk changer with speakers and two cassette players. We had apple pie with them, which makes me want to cook like you can't imagine. I wish I could get to the kitchen.

School's going well.. I'm still liking the classes, which is a totally novel experience. I have a paper I should be working on, but meh... I'm doing homework here. I'm also going out with my mom in a little bit to dress shop for Donna's wedding. I'm not too into that, but I need a dress. I slept badly last night. That idiot hum I mentioned a couple entries ago kept me up on and off all night.

Laura, you need to update with more surveys! I need content for my site.

So the classes went basically well, except that I have a huge walk between Geology and Writing II. Evidently, I may be able to catch a shuttle, which would be fantastic. I don't mind walking, but a long walk when it's cold and icy is not my idea of fun. The english professor is about 5 years older than me, which is a little depressing. I should be out of college by now, not going in as a freshman. At least after this year, I can start right into the main part of my major.

Adding to my consolation is the fact that my laptop should be in this week-end. I need to get my wireless network set up soon, but still... I can't wait to get it and start customising programmes. I think I'm going to keep Firefox as my main browser. I can't imagine going back to IE anymore. Plus, I love Thunderbird's junk mail filter. Mm, I should check for updates today, while I'm thinking about it.

~*~ Boldly on to work, which sucks. Despite giving them an availability schedule, they have managed to totally fuck up my hours. I'm supposed to be in at 4 on Tuesdays. This poses a huge problem: I have a lab until 5, which means that I don't even get into Weymouth until 5:30, at the earliest. If I go straight to work, that means no time to eat, either. They also have me working until close a bunch of nights. There's no way I can work until midnight, come home, have to eat dinner/do homework, and get to bed at a reasonable hour. I go to bed around midnight, for christ's sake!

I get to go in tonight, with a typed letter this time and once again remind Peter that 10pm availability does not mean midnight. School is more important than a crappy part time job. Plus, I was promised that I would not have to stay that late when I was hired and I would still have about 20 hours. Whatever.

I just had a burst of inspiration. I'm going to go start on my website redesign.

I'm finally feeling the burn from the last week of heavy labour. Better still, I've been telling Laura that who needs the gym with all the lifting and carrying I've been doing.

Wow, they had a huge protest in NYC. Looks like most of the people arrested were couriers. I guess that's fitting. Most of the messengers I knew were a pretty political bunch. It would make sense that they'd be against Bush, especially with his record on the economy. So goes the stock market, so goes the business.

I'm going Tuesday to register for classes, get my ID, and other assorted and sundry things at Bridgewater. I'm working the night shift at work that night, as well. Nothing like trying to squeeze in as many hours as I can right now. This week's cheque should be pretty decent, which is really good since we're going to Vermont for the week-end. It's been a couple years since I've been to the State Fair and I'm really looking forward to it... in particular, the maple cotton candy. I need maple cotton candy. It's a Vermont thing.

I've got to call Dawn, in fact, and get her some details for the trip. This also means I need to start thinking about packing. Bah, and doing more laurndry before we leave. I hate doing laundry. We just did a shitload yesterday.

Mm, making tea, then (hopefully) breakfast/early lunch plans. I have an assload of stuff to do today.

Still not really feeling well. I slept badly last night because I was so congested. Considering I took 2 sudafed and 2 NyQuil, you'd think I would have been fine, but no... I woke Steven up a couple times, as well, with my getting up and and laying back down. Boo, head cold.

Boldly on to the debacle with Massasoit:

Yesterday, I got a letter from them in the mail. I, naïvely, assumed that it was a confirmation of my withdrawl from a class. I mean, after how badly they screwed up my transcript and kept me from actually getting in to UMass last semester, how could the possible fuck up anything else?

I was wrong. DEAD wrong. It was a letter, probably from the welfare princess, telling me that I have not only be denied for a student loan for this semester, but they are retracting last semester's, as well. I bet you're thinking that, you know, I really royally messed up or turned out to not be eligible or something, but this is not the case. My grades were decent last semester. Not stellar, considering I bombed most of my finals because I was sick, but certainly nothing to be ashamed of. As for being ineligble, there are Stafford loans... the kind that you can get, no matter what. The kind that you can get so long as you can sign your name.

Besides, how do you retract an already dispersed student loan!?

So, after swearing and yelling at poor Ugly and trying to get some answers (none given, all of Massasoit is on spring break), I decided I am simply going to cut my losses and withdraw from there. Simple as that. I'm done. They've dicked around way too much for me to be bothered. I'm applying to a couple schools other than UMass, namely Bridgewater and possibly another community college as a back up plan, but I will never go back to Massasoit again, other than to withdraw and yell at Financial Aid.

That's been my week. We did catch up with Allison and Jay Wednesday night, which was nice, since I don't think I would have had a chance to see them otherwise. I also bumped into another couple of girls I graduated with who look, mostly, the same.

I need to take a shower and get my ass in general gear. I promised Steven I'd drop off a prescription for him at CVS before I picked up from work. I also would like to touch up the white streak and get my shower in. I also think we may have plans to go out tonight with a couple friends.

I'm going to go shower.

Bah... So now that I'm home from work and I could take a nap, I can't sleep. Figures. I wish I knew why. I might try and go back and lay down in a few. I feel just kind of icky in general today. I've sort of had cramps all morning and my back is really sore. We're going to try and fill up the waterbed a little more at some point and see if that helps. If not, I'm going to start looking for a new mattress. This is why I want to work full time over the summer.

The classes aren't bad. I do need books for a couple of them. I'm probably going to drop my theatre class because I ended up actually liking my 8am English class. I can deal with being home by 11am, as well. Yay for naps after, presupposing I can sleep.

Oh, ha... This is what my horoscope says for this morning:

Be the front person for an organization that needs your charisma. Love and sex are there for the taking, if that's truly what you seek. Over the next week, loyalty plays a big role in your happiness.

My horoscope is advocating I get laid. That's the kind of horoscope I like!

Anyhow, I think I am going to try and get a little more of a nap in before I need to shower and pick Steven up from work. Only two and a half more days until the week starts over. I can't wait until Sunday night.

Feeling generally unmotivated.. Classes started today, but I didn't make it to any of them because I was arguing with the Welfare Princess in financial aid all morning. I'm sorry, I'm not going to write Massasoit $116 without a good explanation. "You just do; everyone does." is not legitimate enough for me. Finally got a decent answer from the lady in the Bursar's. Oh, and the Welfare Princess told me that "(I) best be payin' that money today, 'cause they be distributing them loans today and if (I) don't pay today, then (I) ain't getting no loan money." I type this practically verbatim, except here I changed her 'you' for my 'I'. I wish I could be lying about this.

So, I have no clue how my classes are. Or if I need any books. Basically anything. I now need to wait until Wednesday to find out. 8am, Wednesday. I'm so tired.

I guess we're going to have a shitload of snow starting Tuesday night. My gramma said like 6" - 8", so this should be interesting. I have to call and cancel my car inspection appointment because of this, which is ok, because we never got the car cleaned this week-end. Unfortunately, we also did not find my sunglasses yet, either. Boo. Steven swears they've got to be in there somewhere, but I'm worried. If I lost these, it'll be the second pair in as many months and my mother will have a haemorrage. I can't afford another pair, either. Not my week.

Continuing on the not my week vein, I am working 5 days this week, as well as probably more hours than my fucking lazy manager. I'm working tonight, tomorrow, Thur$day/payday, Saturday, and Sunday. I am not happy about this, at all. Actually, I'm annoyed beyond belief. The manager is supposed to cover when something gets screwed up, not the employees. She's still working her goddamn regular 30 hours. I need a new job so badly. Ugh.

I accomplished nothing this week-end, aside from getting my laundry done. Steven spent the week-end and we did manage to get all of his tests corrected, as well as go through some of his video tapes and label the blank ones. He did an assload of dishes yesterday for me, though, which I still need to put away. He actually did get some cleaning done in the kitchen, as well, because I was too depressed to do much of anything. Went to Ocean State, got a new laundry hamper, a popcorn bowl, a new grocery listpad, and a leather address book for $1.99. We also saw some nice chinese restaurant-looking china that we debating buying at some point later in the week.

I'm going to go try and shower, as well as clean up the kitchen a little more.

How stupid of me to think that my mother would do something supportive of me. Here I was thinking that maybe, just maybe, after Steven talked to her last night, she might be a little more empathetic, so I called her today. I should have fucking known. I shouldn't have even bothered calling.

She launched right into the "Maybe you should just give up and quit college already. You've dicked around long enough." speech. This is the one that she gets that condescending tone in her voice and tells me that "not everyone's cut out for college" and "maybe (I) should just look for a full time job." Because, of course, we all know that I have tons of marketable skills that will make it so easy for me to get a job in this economy. Brilliant, I have an idea! I'll work full time in retail and have a nervous breakdown. Score! Or I'll find a demeaning job as a secretary and the end results will be the same! Yes!

Then she dropped the big one. Even if I take off a semester and work, I will still have to go back to Massasoit in the fall. She will not pay for classes at UMass. Period. She never intended to let me take just one class this semester, either. She's all maxed out on her credit card because she had to buy a brand new Mac laptop that she basically didn't really need. Thanks, mom. Couldn't buy my one when I needed it for school, but you sure can buy you one for yourself.

My favourite was when she insinutated that I would somehow like Massasoit better if I work a semester and go back in the fall. What a fucking crock. I've hated the school since I started there. I've taken semesters off to work full time and, you know what? I still hated it when I went back. There are days when I can't even force myself out of bed to go because I hate it so much. I would honestly rather kill myself than ever go back there again.

This means nothing to my mother. She thinks I'm being melodramatic.

Oh, right, and she'll not pay for books this semester, either.

I'm too fucking miserable to write anymore.

Being big-breasted is kind of like being part of this exclusive, secret club. I'm talking about really big busted, not like "Oh, I wear a D cup." I'm talking about the kind of big busted that means you can't shop in Victoria's Secret anymore. The kind of big busted where you go into Frederick's, try on the largest cup size (which is an American F, by the way) and discover that not only does the cup not fit in your back size, but also in the largest back size they carry, as well. The kind of big busted that means you have to shop at Lady Grace, if you want to try something on and all the bras that they have in your size are made of industrial strength nylon, scratchy lacy, and steel. They all look like throwbacks to the 50s bullet bras. God help you if you want something cute. Nothing cute comes in anything bigger than a D.

There should be a support (no pun intended) club. Hi, I'm Samantha, I'm 22, and I wear a 34FF/36F, depending on the cut and who makes it. I was a 34C when I was younger, but through a combination of hormones, genetics, and Ortho Tricyclen, I am what you see here today.

I hate going into Victoria's Secret and having them try to convince me that I want to try on their newest bra. I tell them, no, I'm sorry, you don't carry my size. Inevitably, the girl will say "Oh, but we have up to a 42DD." and then I tell her that I need a 36F. The salesgirl usually slinks off after that...

I was actually chatting with one of the girls in there when I was buying panties and was telling her about Bravissimo and Figleaves. She was a 36E, but was close enough that she could argue a 38DD on the smallest hook. While we were talking, another woman overheard us who was a 36G. She was delighted when I passed the addresses on to her as well.

Like I said: secret, exclusive club.

~*~

Got my grades today. Culm was 2.25, but I'm going to protest one of the grades. The woman seriously marked me off because she didn't like me. Cunt.

I knew that I had blown my AbPsych final, as well, because I was sick with my bronchitis and sinusitis. I could barely see straight and stay awake, let alone concentrate to take the exam. I'm still upset about that. Stupid goddamn job... I'll be livid if it cost me being able to get back into UMass this semester.

I also found out that my boss has been bitching about me to the other girl who works there. How professional, right? They're looking for a part time assistant. Julie all but promised Meredith it. So much for that. I felt really bad for Meredith. I know she really wanted the extra money. It also makes me wonder who's going to get cut from the staff. I know it technically should be Jess, the newest hire, but I have a feeling that I lettered my own death warrant yesterday. I wanted to find a new job anyhow.

So, no real plans for tonight. I think we're going out for ice cream with one of my friends and her fiancé, but that's about it. We'll probably get chinese, open a bottle of champagne (well, sparkling wine, since it's not french.), and watch the drunks hit the island in front of my house.

Here's hoping '04 is better than '03.

Goddamn is my Goya Apricot Nectar cold! I guess it's fitting since it was in the grocery bag when I started the snowball fight with Steven. I, unfortunately, lost. I did get him good a couple times, though...

Went to see Simon and Garfunkel on Thursday. I'm wicked glad that I got the chance to see them, since they'll probably be dead before they decide to tour again. Anyhow, show was awesome, they played an assload of songs I like, they played for 2½ hours, and did two three song encores. Yay for Christmas/Hanukkah presents.

Speaking of, evidently, my family on my grampa's side evidently used to be Jewish. This gives me an excuse to celebrate both. Also amusing: my grampa, who is one of the most irreligious people I know, received a porcelain Jesus from some Spanish monastery. He gave it to my gramma, who is quite religious. So, yep, this is my excuse to have 9 days of holiday cheer. This is also my mother's excuse to give me Hanukkah socks. She tries...

I mostly finished my holiday shopping. I picked up a couple last minute presents for my mom and Steven. I'm considering ordering one more thing for Steven, since it's pretty inexpensive and I was pretty good this week, especially since my cheque blew from the mall closing early..

Knee is still gross looking from my war with the foyer last Sunday. It hurts like a bitch, too. I have an appointment to go back tomorrow and see if it's broken. Obviously, I have an HMO... Anyhow, I have Tylenol-3s that I might as well flush they work so well. I'm going to take another before I go to bed.

My street is totally flooded and I need to finish my oral presentation for french. Yay for last day of classes.