Jan. 6th, 2009

Dear Cat:

Jan. 6th, 2009 11:44 pm
devilgrrl: (Default)
It is a sad day when I go to use the bathroom and not only are you sitting on the seat, not only are you drinking the toilet water, but I PHYSICALLY HAVE TO MOVE YOU to use it. Looking guilty doesn't cut it. We both know you aren't supposed to be drinking out of there.

What makes it worse is that, not 10 minutes earlier, I put out fresh water.

Cat, it is the same water that is in the toilet bowl EXCEPT CLEANER. It all comes the city. It is not somehow more delicious because it's normally closed. I will buy that maybe, MAYBE, shower water tastes better, but that's only because Lush things are great and salty. Since you had to sit and watch me this morning, I will also assume it's more entertaining.

You are not entitled to sit in the kitchen and mew pathetically because I had the nerve to move you off MY EFFING TOILET. You are a cat, shouldn't you have some dignity. Not allowing you to drink potty water is not tantamount to cat abuse.

While we're discussing things, I am not obligated to give you chicken every time I open the fridge. Despite what you might think, it is not the Magic Chicken Box. I have other important things in there, like olives and beer, and fake meat, WHICH I SHARE WITH YOU. No one has kicked your puppy if yummies don't fall like manna from heaven. You may not sulk.

Sitting under my bed makes it worse. Revenge horking will be treated as open hostility. I will win, Cat, if this turns into a battle royale. Why? Because I have thumbs and now matter how much you're eating from your paws, you don't.

Nyah nyah.


devilgrrl: (Default)
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