We are the hollow men
Nov. 18th, 2002 12:48 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
devilgrrlHaving a pissy night... I've been in a funk all day. I couldn't sleep this morning, didn't feel like cleaning, didn't want to be home, went to the mall with Matt; decided I didn't want to be there either, came home, caught up with Steve who needed me to burn one programme or another to disk. He hauled my ass out of the house for a little while to watch the Patriots vs. Raiders game at his parents.
We mutually depressed each other. It was grand.
He told his wife he wanted them to get counseling. I guess she agreed. He's not handling it well. I don't know how I would handle it if I were in his shoes.. Marriage counseling is the last ditch effort and it usually spells divorce. I don't know a lot of couples who come out of counseling with a viable relationship. I don't necessarily think that it helps, more that it adds finality and closure, as well as eases the mind with the knowledge that all options have been suitably exhausted. I hope that things will work out for him, nonetheless. It's not fun to watch your friends suffer, regardless.
I'm getting anxious about Tuesday. I've been having a hard time sleeping, as well as a lot of very vivid dreams. My mind must be working overtime. I had one calming dream about Paris, the other night. It's funny; I think about it now and it's so clear that it's like a memory. I literally felt like I was there. I keep retreating back to that when I reach overload. It's been one of the only bright points in the last week.
I've hit a real low point recently. I don't know if it's the transition from autumn to winter, from losing my job, from the cancer thing, or just general malaise. My head hurts, I'm exhuasted but can't sleep, I don't want to talk to anyone, but don't want to be alone, either.
I should go to bed, but I know I won't sleep, either. Steve said he'd call tomorrow. He's the only person not driving me insane right now. Actually, he's the only person I don't want to kill after five minutes right now... I guess misery really does love company. Everyone else is either denying any potential illness or expecting me to just deal and be upbeat or to be suicidally depressed. I'm just existing. I haven't dealt with anything yet, nor do I want to until after Tuesday.
God, I ramble.
All right, should sleep... Maybe make another 711 run with Matt.. Who knows.
We mutually depressed each other. It was grand.
He told his wife he wanted them to get counseling. I guess she agreed. He's not handling it well. I don't know how I would handle it if I were in his shoes.. Marriage counseling is the last ditch effort and it usually spells divorce. I don't know a lot of couples who come out of counseling with a viable relationship. I don't necessarily think that it helps, more that it adds finality and closure, as well as eases the mind with the knowledge that all options have been suitably exhausted. I hope that things will work out for him, nonetheless. It's not fun to watch your friends suffer, regardless.
I'm getting anxious about Tuesday. I've been having a hard time sleeping, as well as a lot of very vivid dreams. My mind must be working overtime. I had one calming dream about Paris, the other night. It's funny; I think about it now and it's so clear that it's like a memory. I literally felt like I was there. I keep retreating back to that when I reach overload. It's been one of the only bright points in the last week.
I've hit a real low point recently. I don't know if it's the transition from autumn to winter, from losing my job, from the cancer thing, or just general malaise. My head hurts, I'm exhuasted but can't sleep, I don't want to talk to anyone, but don't want to be alone, either.
I should go to bed, but I know I won't sleep, either. Steve said he'd call tomorrow. He's the only person not driving me insane right now. Actually, he's the only person I don't want to kill after five minutes right now... I guess misery really does love company. Everyone else is either denying any potential illness or expecting me to just deal and be upbeat or to be suicidally depressed. I'm just existing. I haven't dealt with anything yet, nor do I want to until after Tuesday.
God, I ramble.
All right, should sleep... Maybe make another 711 run with Matt.. Who knows.