RE: Chewing

[devilgrrl]

Dear Cat:

I understand you're essentially still a baby and you are awfully adorable, but that is not going to save me for grinding you up and making you into cat sausage if you DO NOT STOP CHEWING ON EVERYTHING.

You have cat toys. What makes my $112 art history book so much tastier? I can't even find a place to put it that you can't get your grubby little paws onto. Are you frakking the reincarnation of Houdini or what? Second, if I am reading said book and you are nomming on the corner, THERE IS NO PLAUSIBLE DENIABILITY. I am watching your mouth nom the corner.

When I shoo you off the couch for chewing my damn expensive book, the appropriate response is not to go into the bathroom and sullenly lick the shower walls.

Watching me like vultures does not guarantee I will share my chinese food with you. I do not, for one minute, buy that you are so starved that you have to resort to chewing up the Old Masters. You have kibble, I PUT IT OUT MYSELF.

You need to understand that we recently renamed you. It wasn't because we didn't like Racetrack; it was very appropriate. The problem is that so many things I say to you start with "Goddammit..." that it's become the only thing you answer to. I admit, Steven and I are kind of amused by this, but really? How many times must I have said that in order for you to THINK THAT IS YOUR NAME?

I appreciate that you and Boomer have been nearly attached to me all week, making sure that I don't wake up alone and that I'm not imagine the crushing weight on my chest. It's cute when you've jumped on the couch, curled up with me, and started purring. Why can't you be like this all the time? Life would be so much happier.

Short of that, try to restrain your chewing to non-vital things, like chinese menus.

Comments

[geobabe.livejournal.com]

Note to self: do not read Sam's LJ while smoking. As it turns out, it is possible to choke on smoke if laughing too hard.

[devilgrrl.livejournal.com]

I am proud of this accomplishment :)

[nowitsdark0.livejournal.com]

Awww. Teh kittehs.

[devilgrrl.livejournal.com]

Right after I typed this, she started licking my afghan. Kitteh is cracked.

[sarakenobi.livejournal.com]

oh man, i feel your pain <3

[devilgrrl.livejournal.com]

I keep questioning why I wanted pets, you know?

[sarakenobi.livejournal.com]

yes. i most definitely know!

someone peed on my poli-sci book!

[devilgrrl.livejournal.com]

Oh man... You must've been fit to be tied.

[livemockingbird.livejournal.com]

mr kitty chews plastic...like report holders, ziploc bags, and phrographs. Bali chews anything spongy...like art stamps, toys, and plastic sandals. What is that about, anyway?

[devilgrrl.livejournal.com]

Man, I wish I knew. They're just so ...cracked... Someone told me that plastic has something that tastes good to them on it.

The cat is just so sullen about it, you know? I stop her from chewing on my book, so she goes to lick the comforter and just scowls at me. Perfect teenager glare.

[pyxi-styx.livejournal.com]

Right after my hubby and I got a new puppy... he decided to taste test everything in the bedroom while we slept.
When I awoke, I found my glasses were eaten (yeah, those that provide sight), a lightbulb eaten down to the metal, two glass candle holders gone, four candles...
and he didn't cry when he pooped like I wanted him too

[devilgrrl.livejournal.com]

I think puppies are lined with lead. My childhood dog ate socks, hands off dolls, A WHOLE SET OF WATERCOLOURS, and a thumbtack, which he passed whole.

Though the rainbow coloured dog poop was quite a nice diversion.