Everyone in the world besides me is lazy

[devilgrrl]

I think today is going to be totally pooched. I've been up since around 10:30, when Bethany called to ask what Steve and I were up to today. Considering I've not heard from Steve, I told her I had no clue and would call later if/when I knew what was going on. He mentioned something about cleaning today and Donna's potentially later, but god knows... I'm feeling to lazy to clean anyhow.

I've come to the conclusion that I would be home a lot more if this were my own apartment or, at least, if I had a space of my own that I could conceivably hide away in without being driven insane by everyone. Since becoming a grouchy old woman of 21, I've come to the conclusion that people are nice as long as I have a place I can sit quietly alone. When I own my own house, I want to have a basement I've turned into my own, private study. I'm fantasising about this. I could decorate it however I wanted, stick a bed down there for guests or if I wanted to nap, have all my books and my computer and make it into a nice, separate apartment for doing my own thing. I would like to have the freedom to sit around naked and virtually shop without having to worry about people coming in.

I'd like spending more time here if things were like they were now: quiet. The damned cat is sleeping (finally), Mother's gone to Rockingham with Jack, and Matt's dead to the world. I spent all morning perusing Target and So You Wanna... because I'm feeling too lazy/exhausted to get dressed. At least I got my Christmas list done today.

I anticipate being busy over the next couple weeks. I was hired to work at the gift wrapping place in the Hanover Mall from Tuesday until Christmas Eve. It's $8/hr which translates out to being enough to do Christmas somewhat effectively. Depressing thoughts. I still haven't seen my last cheque from Lids. I've got a ton of complaints to write, but I simply don't have the energy. I fell asleep in the car yesterday while we were waiting to see if any more runs came in. So much for a magic cure-all... I still feel as sick as I did before all the fucking doctor's appointments. I want to be better, damn it, not stuck in stasis while they wait to see if the masses in my lungs change.

Second opinions after the holidays, I swear to god.

~*~

I found a journal from a couple years ago with a list of things I wanted to accomplish by the time I was 21. It was interesting:

to have traveled to England and Japan

to have my own domain

to own a new car

to own a new computer

to at least 3 true friends

to have been clean for at least three years

to know how to do C++ again

to be able to really cook

to be working with computers

to be in really good shape

potentially be in a band

I've gotten six of those down. Not too bad for a wish list written at barely 18. It's always interesting to see how I've changed in the past few years.

Well, so much for my peace and quiet. I need to get dressed, print my list, and go do something constructive before I go mad.