Mm, rotted fish

[devilgrrl]

There is something on Taboo about gross food. Currently, there is a lady who is making something called "stinkheads". It involved burying fish in a pit for two weeks, letting botulism flourish, and then eating them. Apparently, they are creamy.

What I find amazing is that this show does not feature my mother-in-law. Sandi does much the same thing, except instead of burying food outside, she puts it in her freezer. I imagine if medical science were to study my inlaws, they would find such a concentration of toxins that they could cure death and Republicanism. Actually, not Republicanism because Steven ate there for years and still votes Republican occasionally. He has some of these hard-won immunities. I don't.

When we were first dating, I attempted to eat things Sandi cooked. Invariably, I would become ill. I kind of assumed it was because my stomach hated me. Slowly, I just stopped eating things there. Then came the day I understood: Sandi gave us hot dogs for 4th of July. Originally, I assumed that she gave us a block of permafrost that she claimed were hot dogs. I chipped away at the ice until the semi-opened packet of weenies. Steven tried to suggest we cook them for dinner, but I was skeptical. I continued to chip. I saw the date of June emerge. Then: the year. Sandi had purchased these hot dogs back when dinosaurs roamed the earth.

I immediately contracted food poisoning and died. Then I informed Steven that I would never, ever eat anything that came from his parents' house again. I love my stomach that much.

A couple months ago, Steven decided to clean out the cupboards and the freezer. After throwing out chicken that had seen the Civil War and something that might have been cow, might have been mammoth, he found cans, bent out of shape from gases and the contents begging to be set free to take over the world, hiding behind somewhat recently expired food. When he went to throw them out, my mother-in-law yelled at him. She said they were still good.

I think the canned goods have been talking to her a little too much recently.

Comments

[pinkdamselfly.livejournal.com]

This just made me laugh a lot. Sorry. I couldn't help it.

Then I informed Steven that I would never, ever eat anything that came from his parents' house again. I love my stomach that much.

[wishuponakate.livejournal.com]

hahaha. This entry has me cracking up. Very funny.

[mrseff.livejournal.com]

My dad is a bit like that... his fridge is a frickin' museum of mold. He keeps jars of jam that only have a film of jam in the corner because they were my grandmother's last jams before she died. Milk is only ever to be found in a solid state; mini tinfoil packs contain the missing link between dinosaur and homosapien.

YUCK!

[sarakenobi.livejournal.com]

I JUST VOMITED A LITTLE THX!

[princessbunny.livejournal.com]

Ha, she's like David Sedaris' dad. Have you read Me Talk Pretty One Day? There's a story in there about his dad that mirrors this.

[mermaidinblack.livejournal.com]

Sounds like my Mum's kitchen, except that she doesn't actually eat the old food, it just accumulates and takes up space... is it something to do with that generation? Dunno.

[justsurvive.livejournal.com]

yuck.
vaguely sounds like my nasty mother in laws cooking. and her cupboards have things that are back from when justin was in highschool(8+yrs ago when they have a 6mo expire date).

[papayarain.livejournal.com]

Haha ... ew!

[wickedshadow.livejournal.com]

LOL! Quick, hide those damn mason jars O_O That is some scary stuff.

[thesiren.livejournal.com]

My grandmother is like that. I refuse to eat at her house. The warped cans I can especially identify with. Ew. And ham that smells like it died in the ice age (but hasn't been kept that well frozen). I saw outdoor markets in Vietnam cleaner than her cupboards.

[amity26.livejournal.com]

I really do think our MILs were separated at birth. This is another thing they have in common. I try to avoid eating any food that my MIL has prepared if at all possible. I was sick for three days after eating some of her Thanksgiving leftovers. Thankfully she is getting to the point where she doesn't really like to cook much anymore.