![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Happy Birthday to Me!
Jul. 18th, 2001 01:46 amThis will be my last official entry as a teenager. This morning, at 3:25 am, I will officially be a young adult.
It's hard to picture myself as anything but a teen. It's been a long six years I've spent here. I'm feeling very unsettled about this whole birthday business right now. It's a little disconcerting to come to terms with an era ending.
When I turned 13, I ended up being grounded for a week. Dawn and I, having been sent out to procure decorations for my tropical themed party, had wandered off and taken too long picking flowers. Needless to say, our parents were not impressed. I graduated from junior high at 13. I also got contacts and was in my cousin's wedding. My last family vacation to Florida happened. That was the last time I had short hair, too.
I don't really remember my 14th. birthday party. I was in the Wizard of Oz at the time and Dawn and I went to the Cape a couple weeks after. I chose the high school that I would attend in the fall. I had my first official boyfriend before Christmas that year. Dawn, Danielle, and I swore we'd be friends forever and had sleepovers. I haven't seen Danielle in three years. I wrote a novel before my birthday and never went to bed before 5am.
My 15th. birthday, I spent in Rhode Island. That was an ugly year. I tried to kill myself on several occasions and I never went to school. I received my Gateway computer for Christmas that year and spent all my time on the computer. In March, I slit my wrists and was consequently diagnosed with bipolar disorder and put on a million medications. Shortly after that, my Uncle Buddy died. I somehow managed to get out of 10th. grade. In May, I consentually lost my virginity. I hung out with Dawn less due to her (evil) boyfriend, Asshole.
On my sweet 16, my father forgot my birthday, even though I had a balloon that said "Sweet 16" on it. My mom also told me that we were moving and that she and my father were getting a divorce. I celebrated my birthday with the cast of Oklahoma. The day I moved from Vermont, my friend Danielle's father was killed in a car accident. I started school in Massachusetts and made new friends. I lost contact with Dawn, except for occasional phone calls. I returned to Vermont in the winter to go to the funeral of her ex-boyfriend who was killed in a freak accident. I got my permit a month before my 17th. birthday.
My 17th. birthday was wild. Just ask Jooly, should she remember it better than I. That was one of the longer nights of my life... I got my license a month after I turned 17, while Dawn was visiting me for a week. I got my first car, a black Plymouth Horizon for $50 from Jooly's mom. In December, I skipped the SATs with my mom and got my nose pierced. Shortly after that, I got in a nasty car accident two days before Christmas where my car was totalled, I went through the windshield, and fractured my skull. I attended my senior prom with my friend Greg, who wore a kilt. I made prom court. I graduated barefoot in June.
My 18th. birthday was spent with J. At midnight, she and I drove to a local convenience store and I bought cigarettes, scratch tickets, and porn. I had a big party with all of my friends. A few days later, I went to my first 18+ show (The Melvins) at the Middle East. In the fall, I started college and had my wisdom teeth removed. I broke up with MulletBoy. I met Matt in November. Dawn called to tell me that she was getting engaged and was going to be married sometime in 2001. 2000 came and there was no disaster. I half-heartedly planned to move to California with Matt.
My 19th. birthday was spent with my grandparents and also riding out the worst storm of the summer, complete with hail. I got my first tattoo in October and Dawn told me that she was pregnant. We shopped for maternity clothes and then, sadly, she lost the baby. On the bright side, we totally reconnected. Matt and I celebrated our year anniversary. We had a horrible holiday in Vermont and an equally bad New Year's, with my grandfather being in the hospital for surgery, my car dying, and it just generally being miserable outside. Spring was filled with wedding things and fittings for my bridesmaids dress. Dawn's wedding was in June and she found out that she is again pregnant and expecting on Christmas.
And here I am now, counting down the last 60 minutes of my teenaged years. I guess this is what they mean about something being the first day of the rest of my life. It's hard to think that most of the big events will happen in the next ten years. In all reality, I will marry within the next five and have a child within the next ten. I will graduate from school and move out of my mom's house. I will start a career. I will buy a house. Life will change more completely now than it has ever before.
And this all scares me.
I don't really want to be a grown up. Rent and grocery bills and careers and married friends and having babies and adulthood scares the hell out of me. It's been looming over me since I turned 18, but now I'm looking down the barrel of it. It's staring back at me and all I want to do is run and hide or, at the very least, look away.
I need a hug.
~*~
Anyhow, I opened a few more birthday card. My current total: $105 from my grandparents and aunts, a tattoo from my mom, a tattoo from Matt (both to be redeemed in August sometime), some clothes from my mom, dinner, a stuffed lion, mint lentils, and an adorable Little Mermaid snowglobe from Matt, and condoms from Allison.
If you want to leave me birthday messages, call 1-877-299-7400, ext. 353 and if you leave your email, I'll get back to you when the festivities are over or you can email me.
I'm going to pest the rent-a-cat for a while and finish watching Montel Williams as I turn 20.
It's hard to picture myself as anything but a teen. It's been a long six years I've spent here. I'm feeling very unsettled about this whole birthday business right now. It's a little disconcerting to come to terms with an era ending.
When I turned 13, I ended up being grounded for a week. Dawn and I, having been sent out to procure decorations for my tropical themed party, had wandered off and taken too long picking flowers. Needless to say, our parents were not impressed. I graduated from junior high at 13. I also got contacts and was in my cousin's wedding. My last family vacation to Florida happened. That was the last time I had short hair, too.
I don't really remember my 14th. birthday party. I was in the Wizard of Oz at the time and Dawn and I went to the Cape a couple weeks after. I chose the high school that I would attend in the fall. I had my first official boyfriend before Christmas that year. Dawn, Danielle, and I swore we'd be friends forever and had sleepovers. I haven't seen Danielle in three years. I wrote a novel before my birthday and never went to bed before 5am.
My 15th. birthday, I spent in Rhode Island. That was an ugly year. I tried to kill myself on several occasions and I never went to school. I received my Gateway computer for Christmas that year and spent all my time on the computer. In March, I slit my wrists and was consequently diagnosed with bipolar disorder and put on a million medications. Shortly after that, my Uncle Buddy died. I somehow managed to get out of 10th. grade. In May, I consentually lost my virginity. I hung out with Dawn less due to her (evil) boyfriend, Asshole.
On my sweet 16, my father forgot my birthday, even though I had a balloon that said "Sweet 16" on it. My mom also told me that we were moving and that she and my father were getting a divorce. I celebrated my birthday with the cast of Oklahoma. The day I moved from Vermont, my friend Danielle's father was killed in a car accident. I started school in Massachusetts and made new friends. I lost contact with Dawn, except for occasional phone calls. I returned to Vermont in the winter to go to the funeral of her ex-boyfriend who was killed in a freak accident. I got my permit a month before my 17th. birthday.
My 17th. birthday was wild. Just ask Jooly, should she remember it better than I. That was one of the longer nights of my life... I got my license a month after I turned 17, while Dawn was visiting me for a week. I got my first car, a black Plymouth Horizon for $50 from Jooly's mom. In December, I skipped the SATs with my mom and got my nose pierced. Shortly after that, I got in a nasty car accident two days before Christmas where my car was totalled, I went through the windshield, and fractured my skull. I attended my senior prom with my friend Greg, who wore a kilt. I made prom court. I graduated barefoot in June.
My 18th. birthday was spent with J. At midnight, she and I drove to a local convenience store and I bought cigarettes, scratch tickets, and porn. I had a big party with all of my friends. A few days later, I went to my first 18+ show (The Melvins) at the Middle East. In the fall, I started college and had my wisdom teeth removed. I broke up with MulletBoy. I met Matt in November. Dawn called to tell me that she was getting engaged and was going to be married sometime in 2001. 2000 came and there was no disaster. I half-heartedly planned to move to California with Matt.
My 19th. birthday was spent with my grandparents and also riding out the worst storm of the summer, complete with hail. I got my first tattoo in October and Dawn told me that she was pregnant. We shopped for maternity clothes and then, sadly, she lost the baby. On the bright side, we totally reconnected. Matt and I celebrated our year anniversary. We had a horrible holiday in Vermont and an equally bad New Year's, with my grandfather being in the hospital for surgery, my car dying, and it just generally being miserable outside. Spring was filled with wedding things and fittings for my bridesmaids dress. Dawn's wedding was in June and she found out that she is again pregnant and expecting on Christmas.
And here I am now, counting down the last 60 minutes of my teenaged years. I guess this is what they mean about something being the first day of the rest of my life. It's hard to think that most of the big events will happen in the next ten years. In all reality, I will marry within the next five and have a child within the next ten. I will graduate from school and move out of my mom's house. I will start a career. I will buy a house. Life will change more completely now than it has ever before.
And this all scares me.
I don't really want to be a grown up. Rent and grocery bills and careers and married friends and having babies and adulthood scares the hell out of me. It's been looming over me since I turned 18, but now I'm looking down the barrel of it. It's staring back at me and all I want to do is run and hide or, at the very least, look away.
I need a hug.
Anyhow, I opened a few more birthday card. My current total: $105 from my grandparents and aunts, a tattoo from my mom, a tattoo from Matt (both to be redeemed in August sometime), some clothes from my mom, dinner, a stuffed lion, mint lentils, and an adorable Little Mermaid snowglobe from Matt, and condoms from Allison.
If you want to leave me birthday messages, call 1-877-299-7400, ext. 353 and if you leave your email, I'll get back to you when the festivities are over or you can email me.
I'm going to pest the rent-a-cat for a while and finish watching Montel Williams as I turn 20.