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devilgrrlI hate being stuck in limbo.
Everything finally came to blows yesterday at work. Tracy fired Steve and I threw my keys at her. I don't know if that counts as being fired or quitting, but I told her to fuck herself and that she was a miserable cunt. I'm still getting over the fact that I'm not employed there anymore. I hated the commute, I hated the stress and her, but I liked working with Steve and I liked that it kept me busy. Now I don't have that. It's upsetting that we worked so hard on that store and she can come in and take it all away like that. It makes me feel sick. Steve's relieved by it; I'm ambiguous. I'm going to miss the kids like crazy. We talked to John last night and he sounded like he was almost in tears when I was thanking him for sticking with us. Both Steve and I were offered additional jobs in the mall before we left, but it's too far away. It's nice to know, at least, that people will miss us and our insanity.
I, on the other hand, now have to deal with everything I've been avoiding since I took the job. I finally broke down on the way home, after the long walk Steve and I took. I usually hate crying, too, especially in front of people, but evidently, Steve doesn't mind.
I'm really scared shitless about this cancer thing. I've been joking about it, showing off my cancer card and all, but it's more because I can't handle the reality that I very well may have something serious and frightening. I told Steve last night that I'm scared of knowing, scared of not knowing, scared of the future, and scared of the treatments that sometimes seem worse than the disease. I'm 21, for christ's sake, not 80. I should be living it up, hanging out with friends and being a college kid, not going to the Dana Farber for scans that most people have never heard of.
Steve just called. He's coming to abduct me in a bit. I need to shower and get dressed.
Everything finally came to blows yesterday at work. Tracy fired Steve and I threw my keys at her. I don't know if that counts as being fired or quitting, but I told her to fuck herself and that she was a miserable cunt. I'm still getting over the fact that I'm not employed there anymore. I hated the commute, I hated the stress and her, but I liked working with Steve and I liked that it kept me busy. Now I don't have that. It's upsetting that we worked so hard on that store and she can come in and take it all away like that. It makes me feel sick. Steve's relieved by it; I'm ambiguous. I'm going to miss the kids like crazy. We talked to John last night and he sounded like he was almost in tears when I was thanking him for sticking with us. Both Steve and I were offered additional jobs in the mall before we left, but it's too far away. It's nice to know, at least, that people will miss us and our insanity.
I, on the other hand, now have to deal with everything I've been avoiding since I took the job. I finally broke down on the way home, after the long walk Steve and I took. I usually hate crying, too, especially in front of people, but evidently, Steve doesn't mind.
I'm really scared shitless about this cancer thing. I've been joking about it, showing off my cancer card and all, but it's more because I can't handle the reality that I very well may have something serious and frightening. I told Steve last night that I'm scared of knowing, scared of not knowing, scared of the future, and scared of the treatments that sometimes seem worse than the disease. I'm 21, for christ's sake, not 80. I should be living it up, hanging out with friends and being a college kid, not going to the Dana Farber for scans that most people have never heard of.
Steve just called. He's coming to abduct me in a bit. I need to shower and get dressed.