Ugh

Dear Thermostat:

We really need to stop meeting like this. You run too hot and cold for me. Lately, it's cold and you know I just can't resist you when you're giving me the cold shoulder. That means there's something fundamentally wrong with our relationship. I can't keep you turned on and most days I have to jump through hoops just to get a little spark out of you. It's not fair to either of us and it's not fair that I need to wear hobo gloves in the house to keep my fingers from going icy.

We've tried everything to fix this, including breaking you down to basics and building back up from there. Maybe it's time for you to seek professional help. I can only do so much and you're not my only concern. The bathtub needs me too. You're not the only appliance in my life.

So I guess this is it. I know you've warmed up to be for the moment, but how do I know it will last? How can I trust you when you've proved time and time again that as soon as I start to depend on you, you'll go cold on me again. Please straighten your act out.

Love,
Samantha