I hate change

It hasn't been a really great day here. I finally took off my acrylic nails today, after losing one somewhere and freaking out about it. I've felt like hell all day. All I want to do is sleep and not ever have to leave my house again. Chalk this up to one of my famous mood swings...

I guess what's really eating me is Dawn's wedding. It really bothers the hell out of me that she's married and going to have a baby. I'm so scared that it'll somehow change the dynamics of our friendship; that all of a sudden, she'll be too grown up for me and she'll leave me behind or something. I don't want to lose the one person who I can talk to on the phone for three hours and still have a hard time hanging up with because there is so much more to say. I don't want to lose the one person who remembers my natural hair colour and remembers what I was like when I was 10. I'm afraid that she'll be so wrapped up with her new life that there won't be time for me anymore.

I suppose it seems selfish to say this, but it's been bothering me for a while. I've missed so much of her life after moving. I mean, after I had moved she met someone and got engaged. What's to say that this pattern won't continue..

I'm feeling so irrational right now. I want someone to assure me that everything will be ok and that Dawn and I will always be friends. I want a hug.

I want to be able to stop crying. I've been crying since Saturday.

I hate change. I always have. I mean, I'll be fine with this in a little while, when it's all had time to perculate through and I've seen Dawn a couple times and am assured that things won't change too horribly.

I don't know. I'm an asshole. I need a hug.